A Family Reunion

When I was a kid, from kindergarten to high school, I remember looking forward to the family reunion at the farm every Memorial Day weekend.  Then one year it didn't happen.  It was almost as if someone turned a switch and it was off, never to be turned back on.  I'm not sure that's the way it happened, but that's the way I remember it.  A couple of times, the family tried to have a gathering over the years, and a few times it was pretty good, but nothing like the old reunions.  I remember time where there was a table that was a hundred yards long, covered in food from end to end.  As a 10 year old, that table seemed that long.  It would be covered in field peas, 5 or 6 different bowls, and all cooked differently.  Some would be just field peas, some would have fatback in the pot, others would have bacon and even others would have snap beans in the mix.  ALL were to die for.  Just like the peas, every other dish on that table had multiple offerings. There were sweet potatoes, green beans, corn on and off the cobb, ham, fried chicken, white potatoes, casseroles for every vegetable ever grown in the south, 172 variations of mac and cheese and just about any other food concoction from the south that would cause you to overeat, and then want to sit around the rest of the afternoon in the shade of a huge pecan tree.  Speaking of that pecan tree, that is pe with the long e sound and can with the short a sound.  pee-can, not pecahn.  Yes, pecan pie.  Oh yeah, nanner puddin', chocolate pie, lemon crème pies, cakes of every shape, size and flavor.  There were brownies, cookies, and multiple other dessert pastries to be found.  None of which were bought from Food Lion, or the A&P from those days, every morsel on that table was from somebody's kitchen.  You're thinking, as you read this, that I am exaggerating, but that table was 40 feet long by 4 feet wide.  I remember my Grandpa making a set of stands to make that table.  It was 5 or 6 sheets of plywood long.  That was just for the food being provided.  If you wanted to eat, there were other tables, or you just held the plate in your lap.  I remember at the height of the reunions, there were commonly 125 to 150 people at the reunions.  I remember all my Aunts and Uncles, my Grandparents, my cousins, and tons of people that I had no clue who they were.  This was on the farm, where there fields, yards and ditches to run in.  In the back part of the back yard, there was badminton and horseshoes to play.  In the backyard near the house were chairs, chairs, and more chairs for the "old" people to sit and tell stories.  I was able to play with my cousins all day, and didn't have to worry about my Mom and Dad trying to keep up with me, or yelling at me about running barefoot in the fields or ditches.  Of the memories my cousins and I made.  I never thought I would relish those times like I would come to as I type this tonight. 
About 3 years ago, one of my cousins, the one that I spent many days in those very ditches running with; got together and started talking about trying to get these memories back.  We decided on having an old fashioned pig pickin' on the farm, but for what occasion?  My aunt suggested doing a get together for all the cousins and doing the pig pickin' then.  Last year we did one, trying to revive that nostalgia, and boy, lemme tell ya, did it work.  There were people that I didn't know again, at the farm.  My cousins were there, although we were not running the ditches this time.  Aunts and Uncles were there, but this time they were the "old people" sitting around in chairs telling stories.  It was such a success that we wanted to make this an every year occurrence like it used to be.  Today, that happened.  The hundred yard smorgasbord wasn't there, but there was food for yards.  There was pig on the grill.  There were chairs everywhere.  There were kids running everywhere, in the ditches too.  This time, those kids were mine.  My kids, my cousin's kids; cousins playing where I played with my cousins.  Admittedly though, I was feeling a bit nostalgic.  When I was a kid, I was not allowed to sit with the "old people" but today, myself and my cousins were sitting with the "old people" although we are not the "old people." 
The "old people" were telling war stories of their days on the farm growing up, and of course we listened.  Amazingly, my Aunt's and Uncle's shenanigans were no better or worse than ours, just different.  My cousins and I talked about the shenanigans we did on the farm when we were growing up.  The "old people" spoke of slamming the door in the kitchen when Grandma was baking a cake, so they could eat the cake that fell when the door slammed.  We talked about shooting each other with BB guns, and having to dig a well while the Aunts and Uncles watched us dig.  We talked about wrecking go karts, and jumping through the ditches.  It is a good thing that the "young people" were busy running through the ditches while we were telling war stories.  We sure don't need our kids learning bad habits from us.  Did I mention that some of them were barefoot in those very ditches that we were not supposed to be running in.  We did it, and were told not to, and our kids are now doing it.  Makes me wonder if the "old people" did it with Grandma and Grandad telling them not to.
Today was a great day, we didn't have the 150 people, but I'd estimate well over 50.  Not bad for only the second year.  I know it was  good day, when my kiddo was feeling the sadness of having to wait for another year to do it again.  I remember those days, and I hope that my kids get to feel the same nostalgia in 30 years.

Quotes, Quotes, everywhere are Quotes

        What are quotes?  Why do they evoke certain feelings in us?  Better yet, why do some mean more to others than some?  Who knows, but I have a few favorites.  Some are inspirational, some are just plain dumb, but still hold some connection.  One of my favorite quotes is by Theodore Roosevelt.  It reminds of why, when I lose, that it is still a good thing.  It in itself is what is wrong with society today, we don't appreciate a hard fought loss. 

         "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

        Today, not many think this way.  I see people afraid to try for that victory because they are worried about failure, or more importantly, they have gotten accustomed to the mentality that everyone wins.  Everyone gets a trophy for succeeding.  Why even try to win?  It reminds of the major league sports, when they all went on "strike" because 472 million dollars a year wasn't enough to pay their bills.  I would much rather go to a high school, or college ball game.  I particularly like the summer baseball leagues.  Those guys are fighting in the dirt to win, they are giving it their all, it may be their only shot at the majors.  If they fail, they fail, but they tried.  They won't live their lives wondering, could I have made it to the majors.  However, if they make it, they can say, I came out of the mud, the trenches, the very bottom to get where they are.  They know the struggles, they appreciate the determination.  Most of the time, they give deeper value to their accomplishments than if it were given to them. 

      Another quote that I like isn't really a quote, it is an excerpt from one of William Shakespeare's plays.  The king from Henry V and his speech on St. Crispian's Day.

What's he that wishes so?   
My cousin Westmoreland? No, my fair cousin;   
If we are mark'd to die, we are enow   
To do our country loss; and if to live,   
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.   
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.   
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,   
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;   
It yearns me not if men my garments wear;   
Such outward things dwell not in my desires.   
But if it be a sin to covet honour,   
I am the most offending soul alive.   
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England.   
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour   
As one man more methinks would share from me   
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!   
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,   
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,   
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,   
And crowns for convoy put into his purse;   
We would not die in that man's company   
That fears his fellowship to die with us.   
This day is call'd the feast of Crispian.   
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,   
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,   
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.   
He that shall live this day, and see old age,   
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,   
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian.'   
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,   
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.'   
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,   
But he'll remember, with advantages,   
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,   
Familiar in his mouth as household words-   
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,   
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-   
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.   
This story shall the good man teach his son;   
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,   
From this day to the ending of the world,   
But we in it shall be remembered-   
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;   
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me   
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,   
This day shall gentle his condition;   
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed   
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,   
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks   
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

        Friends, brothers, a fellowship of bonds stronger than any other.  A speech for people that have shared sacrifices, bloodshed and suffering together, and truly understand victory and defeat at the same time.

         So I often wondered why I liked these so much.  Was it because of their eloquent speech that on one speaks like anymore.  Was it the romantic notion of noble victory or defeat?  I could never figure that out, until yesterday when I saw a simple picture and quote on Facebook; yes, facebook, that dreadful social media application.  It was a picture of a little girl in a fairy outfit.  It had that beautiful sepia tone that is part of all phone apps, picture editing software, and of course, Instagram.  It was a cute picture of a little girl imagining some fairy tale.  What was most interesting about the picture was a quote attached to it.  "What if I fall?, But, Oh my darling, what if you fly?"  I imagine my girls at that age, scared to try something and them asking me, as their Dad, their safety; "Daddy, I'm scared to fall."  I have seen this quote many times before, but this one had the word 'fly' italicized.  It dawned on me then.  Fail or succeed, its a crap shoot, but 'fly' is not to succeed, it means to succeed so greatly that it could only be dreamt of.   I realized with just that little quote, several things.  One is that, we can live normal, boring lives everyday, by failing to try.  It is safe to do what is normal.  It is safe to travel the wide road and avoid the road less traveled.  One can be good without effort, one can even be great with minimal effort, but those that really tried, those that failed once but never quit often finished strong.  Some finished Mightily.  Thomas Edison once said something, "I've never failed, I've only found a 1000 ways not to do something."  Imagine if he had given up, or never even tried because of fear of failure. 

         So, again, that final short quote, what was it that evoked such emotion?  Why did that quote mean so much in so few words?  Why does it fall into the category of such works as Shakespeare and a great President?

        It is all because of one common thread.  They strike us at what we all wish we would be, instead of what we choose to be.  We choose the easy path, we choose to do what we know works.  Most of the time, we are hesitant or scared to make that leap into the unknown.  All it takes is that little bit of encouragement.  As I sit here and write this, the realization comes to me that it isn't the quotes themselves, or even what the quotes, but who said them.  A President, Shakespeare through King Henry V, and simply, a Dad.  Whoa!  That is three very different people, but all are figure heads.  Everyone of us have importance to someone.  Everyone of us can influence someone.  President Theodore Roosevelt could influence a nation, King Henry V could influence his nation, and a Dad can influence a child.  So who has more power?  I dare say, the answer is a Dad or a Mom.  Because if a Dad or a Mom can influence a child, that child could be inspired to greatness.  That greatness could be the next light bulb, or to pursue a career in politics.  Maybe as a Dad, I could inspire one of my girls to be those that try to fly.  Maybe their flight could take them to the Presidency one day.  By inspiring one, I inspire many.

        Ultimately, I think quotes often inspire us because of who said them, what the quote mean to us on a personal level, but mostly because they evoke in us, what we often want to be. I find myself in the company of greatness, by knowing what I say could have as much, if not more influence one day than some great leaders of the past.  I want my kids to have more, do better, reach higher and go farther than I ever will. 

         Maybe, when they fly, they'll fly to the stars.  Who knows, maybe one day, I'll be quoted.  I'm sure I already am, but I'm not sure they are always ground-breaking, earth-shattering or inspiring words.


     

Civic ignorance

Tonight at a meeting, well, after the meeting, some friends and I were outside talking.  To be honest, it was more like I walked into a conversation.  I'm not even sure the topic, but eventually it turned to the lady in Kentucky who refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples.  While the discussion was about the woman not issuing licenses, the conversation quickly turned to ignorance of law.  She chose to stand her ground, good on her.  She had no law that stated she had to do it.  Had there been a law that required her to issue the licenses, then "they" would have the right to incarcerate her.
The point here, is that people assume something is law because "they" said so.  We went back and forth about the law that "they" said was there.  There are no laws in Kentucky that recognize the marriage of two people of the same sex.  However, there are laws on the books that state the exact opposite.  The Supreme Court of the US states that those laws are unconstitutional.  Ok, so they are unconstitutional.  That in itself, does not make it law.  It only says that laws that prohibit it, are unconstitutional.  The Supreme Court didn't really rule marriage laws unconstitutional, insomuch as they ruled that rights cannot be infringed.  Basically, that says that laws can't prevent it.  What it does not do, is make it law to provide it. 
The Constitution is very clear, the legislative branch makes the law, the judicial branch merely interprets law and the executive branch is to enforce the law.  So, lets break that down, when it comes to this case.  The Supreme Court basically said that the legislative branches of federal, state and local governments merely cannot make a law prohibiting it.  That DOES NOT mean it is law to provide it, that is still the responsibility of the legislative branch. 
This means, that the lady in Kentucky has broken no law by not issuing these marriage certificates.  Now, that is not a discussion I am going to have with anyone, about whether she should or shouldn't.
My point for this blog post is that, just because "they" said it, doesn't necessarily mean it is so.  This person has knowledge of the law because a law student told them so.  Where did this student get his/her information?  Was it a law book?  Was it some high ranking lawyer that interpreted the law, or wants to put his/her spin on the law and push an agenda?  I really don't care, but what really irked me in all this, was the comment of, "Lawyers say so, regardless of what the law says."  That is the whole crux of society today.  Everyone bows down to lawyers, because they can interpret the law, and the normal everyday person cannot.  That is a load of excrement.  Anybody of any intelligence should be able to read the law and understand it.  If you can't understand it, then you need to learn how to understand it.  That is your civic duty.  By letting lawyers and the like be the ones who read and interpret the law, they gain power over us.  More importantly, we lose our freedoms. 
They see a precedent set by the Supreme Court and think it is law.  I am an ordinary citizen and know that is not how it works.  The problem, however, is that most don't see this, or don't care to see this, and the lawyers, politicians and the like can do what they want.
Then further in the conversation, the comment was made, it doesn't matter what state law says, it is up to the District Attorney to decide the law.  That is, I am sorry to say, ignorance at its finest.  These politicians and lawyers and the like, can do what they want, because attitudes like that, let it happen.
When the other person was trying to make a point, my question back every time was, "what law mandates that she issue a marriage license?"  The response every time, was "she is a federal official and has to do what the federal government says."  What do "they" say?  There is no law that requires her to do it.  Again, "they" said she had to. 
We as normal citizens, should know how to read law, and should know the basic laws.  If there is no law enforcing something, then there is no law to break.